Yes, I think I may have found it. I think I have found the key.
I know it’s silly to some. That, a relationship status on FB is silly, that it was nothing. Well, to some, it means something. Me, for instance. I took it down today. I finally did it, though we’ve been apart for more than a week now. I had to, I know I had to let go since he didn’t want it anymore. Thank you, for being such a beautiful companion, a wonderful friend and a great lover. What we had can never be replaced, and I’ll always love you.
Time that I learn the phrase, “Some things just aren’t meant to be”. I was naive enough to think that you were ‘The One’. I guess I was just like any other girl who fell into this trap. I trusted you, with everything that I had. Yes, I did some mistakes but I did not deserve the kind of pain that I went through. Not after what I’ve done for you. Not after how much I’ve sacrificed for you, not after how much I’ve loved you. You single-handedly betrayed whatever we had, and turned you back against me. Yes, we’re still friends. But lets face it. It’s not real. Ever watched Hachiko? Remember when Richard Gere’s daughter brought her boyfriend home to meet Gere and the boyfriend was trying hard to impress him by going on and on about music? Gere interrupted him and asked, “Do you love my daughter?” And he said, “Yes”. Gere replied, “Try to remember that on the bad days”.
That was what I always did. Held on to the fact that we loved each other no matter what happens. That we’ll brave through everything because I BELIEVED in the love we had. That it was something special, something sacred, something you and I have together, and something that nobody else could have. It was something that belonged to us. And, it’s all gone, because you did not ‘remember the love we had during the bad days’.
What happened between us was not irreversible. But you made it look that way. Why are you so cruel?
At some point, you have to learn how to let go. Yes, it’s painful, but you have to learn. This has got to be one of the roughest patch in my life. And like everyone else, I’m trying and learning. No one said it was easy. But I will try. For my family, I will. I have to. Why are you so cruel?
I just got an email from the uni with a title that read “IMPORTANT – Change of Examination location for Peninsula students”.
I just found out that my exam venue has been relocated to Caulfield, which is a good 30-45 minute train ride from here. I am not a happy person.
Well, it isn’t my birthday. But I’m 21, yeah. I used to think that turning 21 was gonna be a huge turning point in my life cuz well, lets face it. You get to do EVERYTHING when you’re 21!
But then when I really turned 21, it hit me. I felt old. I ACTUALLY felt old. As I browsed through pictures of my juniors, I thought to myself, “Damn, I look old compared to them!”
And that was when my mentality of “turning 21 = old” began. Sigh.
It was not until a couple of moments ago, that I thought to myself. The last 10 months of being 21 has been one of the greatest moments of my life, hence, me quickly penning this down before I forget.
Out of the 10, I have been with Windy for 5. And the remaining 5 was filled with all other random things including me, Amanda and Leon applying to transfer to Melbourne and frantically looking for a house to live in which has now, transformed into a home.
The homesick feeling has never left me. I’ve been homesick the moment I bid Totoro and Pops goodbye at the airport. I’ve cried myself to sleep many times at night thinking about them, about Windy. But I told myself, this is my time. My chance to prove to myself and everyone else that I too, can be independent and I am able to take good care of myself without having my loved ones worry about me. Yes, Mich, you can do this.
Of course, every now and then I feel lonely especially during the nights. But well, this is the path I chose. Totoro always rubs it in by saying, “See, I asked you a million times if this is really what you want and you said yes!”. Well, maybe I KINDA wanted this. Haha, but like I’ve said, I chose this path. I will go through it no matter how hard it is.
Plus, I can’t be more than thankful for the people that can’t wait till I go home for summer! Totoro, Pops, Windy, Poh Poh and Kung Kung, my uncles and aunts, Annie, Darren. Gosh, the list just goes on and on! And these are the times I am SO thankful and grateful that I have such a beautiful family.
And not forgetting friends, gosh! The Seafield bunch, the MUSA bunch, gosh I never thought that I’d say this but I’ve never missed all of them this much.
As of today, there are only 66 days left till I’m back in KL. Bring it on Monash!!!
I told myself I’ll quit this blogging thing once and for all but, seems that I can still rant a line or two occasionally.
Doubt anyone reads except Mr. C who drops by every once in awhile.😉 Hello there, Mr. C!
SO much has happened since my last post. But no point penning every line down. Bottom line is, I’m more than happy as of now.
I just dread the day that this all comes to and end. I will miss you, W. And I’ll love you, for a long long time to come.
Funny how you could just ‘love’ someone in such a short spam of time, no? I’ve always told myself that I will never say “I love you” to someone if I didn’t mean it. Heck, believe or not, I have never said those three words to ANY of my boyfriend(s). Not because I was afraid or anything but because those three words mean so much to me that I think twice, and even thrice before I say it. Call me a fool but yeah, that’s what I think.
Anyway, his mom’s in town… for two whole weeks!! Chances of us seeing each other has been reduced by a gazillion percent. Don’t say that I’m not understanding because, you don’t know what we’re going through. 2 weeks is crucial for us.
Had a very long and tiring weekend from the sports carnival. Made a ton of new friends, or should I say, family. I have never worked with such an awesome team before in my 1.5 years of being in the committee. Kudos to everyone, the event was a nuclear bomb, as quoted by my event director. I love you all. (:
I am as happy as I could get. You make me smile, Windy. (: I love you.
3 more weeks, 21 more days. And there goes. The mornings are the worst cuz I’ll think to myself, “it’s one day closer till it happens..”. And my day just goes downhill from there.
Friends have been urging me to let it out, but I think otherwise. Maybe it’s because of the character of the recipient that somehow discourages me. What happens if I let it out? Will I lose a friend? Will I even lose the chance of keeping in touch?
I keep asking myself a ton of questions everyday as to whether or not I should just let it all out. I keep weighing the pros and cons over and over again and at the end of the day, I come back to square one again. Without an answer.
Talked to M earlier about the matter and he actually encouraged me to go ahead with it. Alas, he doesn’t know who the recipient is. If he knew, he might have agreed with me to stay quiet about it. But why am I so discouraged you may ask? Haha, that’s for me to know.
After several hundreds of stiches, I asked myself, “Do you still want to do this?”. S and C have been telling me to just do it, get it over and done with. S even said that if he doesn’t want it, she’ll gladly take it off my hands. Haha. And C told me, “I’ll tie you up if I have to”. Such amazing friends I have. (:
At this point, you might have guessed what I have been ranting and wailing about. Well if you do, perhaps you can understand what this feels like to endure such torture and if you don’t, well, well and fine.
Done for the day.
Hmm. Can’t even remember the last time I logged on to WordPress. Didn’t bother checking either. Somehow I kinda miss doing this despite telling people that I couldn’t bothered about it as I ‘don’t want my life to be publicized on the internet’. Haha, kinda bullshit if you ask me with Facebook and all around. So yup. God knows who still reads this but I’ll just be updating from time to time I guess.
Timetable this semester’s awesome. Am getting Thursdays and Fridays off.😀 Decided to changed majors after all after contemplating for a period of time. Bye bye Psychology, hello Law! Haha, yes, Law, I know. People always give me ‘that are-you-crazy look’ whenever I tell them I wanna major in law and when they themselves are probably doing accounting of finance. Like, wtf. Haha. Hope I don’t steer off this semester.
Will be updating soon. (: